So Dead, My Love Read online

  And she had her sights on Carmen.

  Carmen as a host would never happen. Samantha was adamant. The dinner invitation had triggered an unpleasant side of their relationship.

  “You know, we will have to move from this island of ours, Samantha. You constantly deny certain people to us, making it very difficult to find willing and open hosts. We cannot be what we are and remain here. Sooner than later, we will be discovered and hunted. Persecuted. Destroyed, even.”

  Her last words lingered. Samantha could say nothing. Lara was right.

  “Perhaps a move to a larger township, like the one we visited over the ocean, would prove easier for us. No connections. No emotions to stand in our way.”

  Township. Samantha had to smile at that one. Of course, what Lara was saying was obvious. It would be impossible to remain in Bayton Isle and stay inconspicuous. By moving far away, she could save Carmen. Again, she smiled, only this time, the bitterness of irony sent her mouth curving down. Save Carmen. From her. Samantha became conscious of Lara’s deep, penetrating eyes studying her. Even though they were pitch black, they seemed to glow yellow in certain light.

  “You’re right, Lara. We should consider a move. But away from Maine completely. California maybe. We would fit right in there.”

  Lara smiled and lowered herself back on her pillow. “It matters not where we travel to. My hunger grows, Samantha, and it is a hunger centuries old. I still need blood and so will you.”

  Chapter 16

  “Hey Sam, come in.” Carmen greeted Samantha at the door. She kissed her on the cheek, just inches from her mouth.

  Inside, Carmen had the living room filled with candles and the vertical blinds open, allowing the breathtaking view of the Atlantic coast to take center stage. The sun was taking its bow behind the horizon. It was just 5:30.

  Samantha felt at ease, almost at home, yet a nagging anxiety persisted. Dinner could be awkward. She had decided she would let Carmen serve her dinner and then beg off, feigning a stomach virus or some such other lie of the upset stomach variety. Carmen would act all worried and offer her medicinal advice. And that would be it. A great lie. It made her really sick to her stomach.

  Carmen appeared distracted, her smile tired. She pointed towards the couch for Samantha and headed into the kitchen. In her burgundy silken shirt and pants, she was elegantly casual.

  “Can I get you a margarita? I have the vegetarian lasagna in the oven. Should be twenty minutes or so, thought we’d start with drinks.”

  “No. I’m trying to give that up, if you can believe that.” Would Carmen believe it? She might have been able to drink the margarita without getting sick, but she wasn’t willing to take that chance.

  Carmen didn’t even kid her about it. She uncorked a bottle of red wine, poured herself a very full glass and worked her way back to Samantha, sitting on the other side of her.

  “Well, I hope you don’t mind.” Carmen held the wineglass up slightly. “Cheers.”

  She took a long drink and put it down on the glass side table. “I’ve got a couple of green salads already fixed in the fridge. Whenever you get hungry, just say the word.”

  “That sounds good, but you know what, I’m not too hungry really. I’ve been fighting a stomach flu or something.”

  Carmen seemed far away, her mind deep on something else. Samantha was relieved in a way but disturbed as well. Carmen wasn’t herself. She took another healthy slug of the wine.

  “You really should take better care of what you eat, Sam. And you have to watch when you eat also.”

  She took another long drink of wine, looking at Samantha over the rim of the glass. “So Sam, what have you been up to these days? The commission painting, I hope. It’s nearly impossible to get a hold of you.” Carmen sank further into the couch.

  “I have been busy, you know.”

  “Yeah, I know. Sara Martine, huh?” The sound of the splashing waves below played like a soft lullaby in the quiet of the room. “I really miss our times together.” Carmen’s voice sounded sad.

  “Carmen, I’m sorry we haven’t spent time together. Sara is going to be here...”

  “Indefinitely, yeah, I know. You told me.”

  She tucked her feet underneath her and took more wine. “That isn’t exactly what I meant, Sam. Something’s changed between us. We’ve grown apart. I can’t explain it. Just a feeling.”

  What was Samantha supposed to say? Before Lara, she would have told her the truth. Always the truth. Now she had to lie. Her whole life had become a lie. Would it be okay to lie and tell Carmen that they would spend more time together when Sara Martine left? After all, Carmen would never find them in California or wherever they ended up at. All of a sudden, Samantha was feeling suffocated.

  “I’m sorry, Sam, I’m being too presumptuous, I suppose. Too demanding of your time. My turn to apologize.”

  Carmen got up abruptly and walked back to the kitchen. It was then Samantha noticed the empty glass in her hand. She refilled it to the top, checked the oven and came back to sit next to her.

  “Should be ready soon. Ready for those salads?”

  Samantha fidgeted. “You know Carmen, I’ve heard lettuce and leafy greens aren’t good if you have an upset stomach.” She rubbed her stomach gently, trying to smile. Carmen was staring right at her.

  “Samantha, what the hell is going on with you?”

  Carmen only called her that when it was serious. “You look like you’ve lost ten pounds and for you, that’s borderline anorexic, and your complexion doesn’t look healthy. Have you been sleeping? Those dark circles…” Her hand went up to touch Samantha’s eye.

  Samantha jerked back. She probably did look like shit. So what? Carmen had no right, dammit. Samantha was trying to save her life for her!

  “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, Carmen. I am feeling pretty bad.”

  Carmen was shaking her head, a very unpleasant smile on her face. “It’s Sara Martine, isn’t it?”

  Why did Carmen always have to be right? “No. I mean...yes. Carmen, don’t...”

  “Are you sleeping with her Sam? Are you in love with her?”

  Samantha needed to go. “I think maybe I should leave.” Samantha almost made it up off the couch.

  “No, please, Sam. I’m sorry.” Carmen put out an arm to stop her, turning around to look at her. Even though the sun had long gone down and the night sky twinkled outside, in the candlelight, Samantha could see tears swelling in Carmen’s eyes.

  “No, please don’t go. I need you to keep me company tonight.”

  Samantha, bewildered by Carmen’s breakdown, was stunned. She sat back down slowly. She wanted to put her arms around Carmen, tell her everything was going to be okay. Everything was going to be as it was. But the reality of it was that Lara waited for her.

  And tonight, Samantha suddenly didn’t want to go back home. She wanted to stay right here with Carmen.

  She held back from holding Carmen because she was afraid of the blood lust rising. It was too unpredictable. At least she could listen to Carmen, give her the support she needed.

  “Carmen, hey, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Carmen leaned back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling.

  “Gillian is dead. They found her and Stephan Kendall murdered in his apartment. Same as the kids they’ve found in the woods.”

  Samantha let it sink in. A sense of unreality gripped her. Carmen was trying to get something out of her. Trick her somehow. She wasn’t serious. Gillian and Kendall weren’t dead. No, she hadn’t killed Kendall. Lara told her they’d both be okay. Lara didn’t lie to her.

  “Oh my God, do they know who did it?” Samantha heard her voice but couldn’t remember moving her lips.”

  “Chief Murphy says the FBI think Gillian died of a heart attack before or during her murder.”

  “Stephen. What about Stephen?”

  Carmen was looking at her in a strange way. “Sam, what’s wrong?”

>   Samantha couldn’t move her mouth. She’d killed Kendall. She’d murdered again.

  “I’m sorry about Gillian. I know she was your friend.”

  Carmen turned to look at Samantha, the pain in her face real.

  “We were more than friends. Gillian and I had an affair, Samantha.”

  Samantha wasn’t exactly surprised. Did she think Carmen a saint, forever to pine away for her unrequited love? But Gillian? What about John? And wasn’t she having an affair with Kendall?

  Deep down, Samantha felt a loss. A hurt. And it wasn’t a case of not wanting anyone else to have Carmen. It went deeper. Too confused to dissect those emotions, Samantha tucked them away. She had murder on her mind.

  “Don’t be so surprised, Sam. It just happened.” Carmen turned her whole body towards Samantha and looked deeply into her eyes.

  “You know nothing’s changed, Sam. I mean, my feelings for you.”

  Carmen wanted so much more from her than Samantha was able to give at the moment. Even though Lara wasn’t here physically with her, she was in every fiber of her being, every waking thought. It left little room for anyone else.

  “You still haven’t answered my questions about Sara Martine.”

  “Sara won’t be leaving. We’re living together.”

  Samantha lowered her head, away from Carmen’s wounded eyes. She couldn’t say anything more. It would be dangerous. Suicidal.

  Carmen reached for the glass of wine and drank, never taking her eyes off Samantha.

  “So, is she your substitute for Lara Karnov? I mean, let me be honest, she bears a remarkable resemblance to that picture in Edmund’s book, don’t you think? And all of a sudden, Sara Martine conveniently enters your life?”

  Carmen was intense and very persistent. She was also full of wine. Nevertheless, she was coming too close for comfort.

  “Hey, you know, I thought about that too when I first met her and I’m not going to deny that that’s a big part of my attraction to her.” Samantha played it off.

  “No, it’s more than that, Sam.” Carmen was shaking her head. “You grow the hair and change the clothes and your Sara Martine is the spitting image of Lara Karnov. And if you really want to talk spooky, the murders coincide with her arrival here.”

  “So what are you saying? That I’ve brought this Lara Karnov back to life and have her living with me? Get real, Carmen! What do you think she is? A vampire?”

  “In a way, she is like a vampire. Your own personal vampire, sucking the life out of you.”

  Then Carmen kissed her, the warmth from her lips almost painful, yet Samantha didn’t want her to stop. She felt herself responding in ways she never imagined until suddenly, that frightening lust gathered in her stomach like a malignant hunger. The call for blood. Was it always going to be like this?

  She pulled away with a fierce push.

  “No, get away from me.”

  Carmen looked confused, searching Samantha’s face. “What’s going on with you? I don’t understand.”

  “There’s nothing to understand! I love Lara.”

  The quiet in the room was charged. Samantha suddenly realized what she had said.

  “I meant, Sara. I’m in love with Sara.”

  Samantha got up. She had to get away now, quickly. But Carmen wouldn’t let her. She took hold of Samantha and stood up to face her.

  “You’re not even the same Samantha I used to know.” She searched every inch of Samantha’s face. “Sam, you were a caring woman. A little heavy on the mood swings, but always there.”

  Each word out of Carmen’s mouth hit like an arrow. The temptation to fling herself into Carmen’s arms and release herself from what she had become was something she had to fight hard against. For the first time, she allowed feelings for Carmen that she had kept hidden even from herself, to surface. But this couldn’t be happening now. Not now.

  “I’ve got to go, Carmen.” She broke free.

  Carmen followed her.

  “No. Don’t try to stop me because you don’t know what you’re doing.” She didn’t even want to look at Carmen.

  “So why don’t you tell me, Sam?” Carmen took hold of Samantha’s shoulders again and spun her around to face her.

  “Sam, I love you. I haven’t loved anyone else. Why is it so hard for you to share yourself with me?”

  Samantha wanted to laugh, cry and run at the same time. She opted to run. Right out Carmen’s door.

  “Who is Sara Martine, Sam?” Carmen demanded behind her. “I called Barnum Books. There is no Sara Martine. Samantha! Tell me who she is!”

  Samantha reached her car, got in and turned the ignition. She looked back only briefly as she pulled out, to see the outline of Carmen standing in the doorway. She fully convinced herself that by sparing Carmen the answer to that question, she was saving her soul.

  ***

  When Samantha walked in her house, she noticed the darkness first, then tiny flickering of the tea lights that were everywhere. Lara must have found her emergency supply of candles.

  “Lara?” Samantha made her way quickly into the living room and noticed the fire going. But Lara was nowhere. Sensing movement behind her, she turned to find Lara standing at the bottom of the stairs. She was wearing an ankle-length black velvet dress. The lust in her eyes focused on Samantha.

  “Samantha, I have missed you so.” Her voice was silky, excited, as she walked towards her. “Lara, my God, something went wrong the other night with Stephen and Gillian. They’re both dead. I’ve killed again. You promised, Lara. You said they would be okay.” Samantha was shaking.”

  “I promised nothing. I did not drain enough blood from that woman to kill her.”

  Lara was telling the truth. The FBI was convinced she died of a heart attack. But Stephen didn’t have a heart attack.

  “I killed Stephen. I murdered him in cold blood.”

  Lara reached out and ran a hand down Samantha’s arm. “My darling, I pulled you away as soon as I could. It wasn’t your fault. In time, you will learn to take your sustenance and not kill.”

  Samantha shook her head, not looking at Lara, the picture of Kendall swimming in blood the only thing she could focus on. Lara took hold of Samantha, lifting her face to meet her eyes.

  “Listen to me, my Samantha. The man was not your fault. You have yet to learn how to feed. Have you seen an infant eat? They must learn the process, as you must.”

  “No, this is not something I will get used to. I don’t ever want to get used to it. This isn’t right, Lara. It’s crazy.”

  Samantha was having trouble controlling the flood of emotions pounding at her. “I can’t do this anymore.” She moved away from Lara, towards the bay windows.

  “You are distraught, Samantha. I understand. This can be difficult to accept, our new life together, but you will.” Lara paused, moving toward Samantha. “You must.”

  “It wasn’t supposed to be like this!” The hysteria was mounting in Samantha’s voice. “You promised me no more death. That no one would get hurt.”

  What had Samantha done? In her desperate obsession with Lara Karnov, in her relentless pursuit of eternal love, she had unleashed something she had no control over.

  Suddenly, all her past relationships paraded before her, a nightmarish merry-go-round of faces, passions, disappointments. And waiting at the end of the parade route was Lara Karnov, arms open wide. The words “be careful what you wish for” kept tumbling around in her brain.

  “Samantha, you cannot leave me. I cannot live without you or you without me.” Lara had crept closer beside her. She reached out to touch Samantha.

  “No.” Samantha moved away.

  “We are bound forever, Samantha. I gave you my blood so you could live. It flows within you now.”

  Samantha wanted desperately not to look at her, fearful of direct eye contact. It mattered little, because Lara began to probe her thoughts.

  “Don’t do this to us, Samantha.” She spoke gently in her mind, the
pain in her plea something Samantha had never heard before.

  Samantha shook her head, this time looking into Lara’s eyes.

  “Lara, with the deaths of Stephen and Gillian, the police will intensify their search. Sooner or later, they’ll come looking for us.”

  To her surprise, Lara smiled. “As I said before, we must leave this island sooner or later.” She waved her hand around the room, pointing to the candles. “I made special preparations for when you returned. So come, let us not worry about the police or what is to come. Let us enjoy tonight.”

  She pulled Samantha toward the couch.

  “You were home earlier than I thought. Did things not go well with your friend? Was dinner not to your liking?”

  The mocking in her voice angered Samantha.

  “We’re not going to discuss that right now. It’s all rather irrelevant, isn’t it?”

  She took another step further away from Lara, closer to the window. She could feel the chill coming off the glass panes.

  “We’ll be gone from Bayton Isle and Carmen will be left behind us.”

  Actually, she had no intention of going anywhere just yet. In fact, maybe she would just let the police find her. Lock her up and throw away the key. Isolate her in a place where she couldn’t harm another human being. Maybe they would call in an exorcist. That would get her coverage in the Enquirer, or better yet, Inside Edition.

  But there would still be Lara. Death had reached out across the grave and presented Samantha with all she dreamed of. And now she had to let it all go. She’d always had trouble letting go. Her therapists insisted she learn how. It would be the only way for her to get healthy again.

  Samantha wanted to scream. She felt betrayed. Tamara had lied or more likely, been misled herself by the Karnov lies. Vampires were exactly what the myths and legends portrayed them to be. If love was what Lara had been seeking, then Samantha was not her “chosen one.” She was not willing to commit murder for endless love. This had to end and she was the one to have to pull the plug. She just had to figure out how.

  Lara continued to stare at her, a blank look on her face. She was looking at Samantha, but her eyes weren’t seeing her.